FASHION ISSUE
“Fashion,” Oscar Wilde once remarked, “is a form of ugliness so intolerable we need to alter it every six months.” Here in the BONES we know as much about fashion as we do about Einstein’s fucking Unified Field Theory. That’s why we decided that this month’s BLACKLIST would be the FASHION ISSUE – because we’re experts in talking shit on things we know nothing about. Have fun
HATS (Again)
A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, otherwise known as a period in the 20th century, hats were de rigeur for men, and even women sometimes wore them too. We were watching the news the other night and we’ve noticed a trend – the hat is back! Justin Timberlake wears one, famous rappers wear them – ironically of course – and even Youngest has one. Go the hat! A fashion statement everyone with a head can enjoy
NO MAGAZINE
This magazine first came to our attention when Down Town Bobby Brown joined the BONES. He nonchalantly sacheted into the room with this paragon of modern culture tucked under his arm before throwing it on the Boss’s desk. “Here,” he said, “is the magazine I’ve been telling you about.” He hasn’t said much since, but it’s fairly conclusive that No Magazine is a hotter mousepad than the boss’s last one. Also, in a novel twist this magazine actually has real stories about real (and clearly very fashionable) people – a new angle on publishing that most of their competition might do well to emulate. Recommended
COSPLAY
Please tell us what there is not to love about this? Cosplay is short for costume role play, and participants dress up in costumes and accessories that represent a specific character or idea. The most popular characters are usually drawn from Japanese popular fiction, such as manga, anime and video games. Unlike American role players, who feel the need to run around with newspaper swords speaking Lord of the Rings at each other, Cosplayers just stand about being photographed and looking incredible. This is clearly so fucking hot right now that even we are amazed by it, but like lots of things the Japanese do, they do them best. Fat guys dressed up like Superman on Queen Street? Not keen
BEANIE BEARDS
GK Chesterton said, “You cannot grow a beard in a moment of passion.” Well smarty pants, that might be true, but you can knit one, or get your grandmother to knit one for you if you don’t know how. These incredible beanie beards are the hottest new thing on the catwalks of Kabul, Islamabad and Bahrain. We’re predicting a huge upsurge in interest in the trendy boutiques of Remurera, Khandallah and Fendalton. Get one for yourself or your man and you’ll be regarding the try hard hipsters and their scratchy whiskers with the contempt they deserve
LACOSTE
Oh happy us! We get to look at the display in Lacoste almost every day on our way up to Rakinos, and we’re always humbled by the incredible display in artistic taste and integrity from the mannequin dressers in their Queen Street shop. While we were told popped collars were a certain sign of douchery, these guys rebelled against the mainstream and showed us how cool you can be when you ignore popular advice. The jersey worn tied around the neck is also a style trend they helped pioneer, and it’s a favourite of ours when we’re talking real estate on the polo course or picking up in gay nightclubs. Lacoste also reignited our keen passion for pastels, which we thought we’d lost at primary school. Keep up the good work guys
KIM JONG ILL GLASSES
Dictatorship rules. Enough said
STANDARD ISSUE
Well in this case, actually – fuck yeah. New Zealand knitwear company Standard Issue has been making beautiful, high quality knitwear since, like, ages. Their philosophy is “The Fabric of Society – the Opposite of Disposable Fashion.” It’s true, these New Zealand made garments increase in sentimental value the longer you wear them. As the saying goes, you’ll be enjoying the quality long after the price is forgotten. Big fashion fave around here
http://www.standardissue.co.nz/
FASHION WEEK
It’s going to be the 10th anniversary of Fashion Week this September. Thank you to the Stewarts, and everyone involved really, for doing their best to help keep this part of our economy sustainable and for helping provide a forum for some of our best and brightest. Bitching, backstabbing, rumour, gossip, innuendo, scandal, disgrace, celebration, high art and high farce – we’ve seen it all. But that’s fashion, and you’ve served us proud. Take a bow and enjoy this applause, it’s for you, darlings
SMALL DOGS
From the Pomeranian to the Chihuahua, small dogs have been captivating women and gay men for centuries. If ever there was a fashion item deserving its place on this list, small dogs are it. Eating, yapping, defecating four legged annoyances, they have become the accessory of choice for every one from Paris Hilton to NIcky Watson. When Nicky Watson lost hers it was a television calamity on a national scale. Upon being asked what she’d been doing to look for Tinkerbelle, she replied: “I’ve been shouting her name so much I’ve lost my voice.” Interviewer: “So you’re hoarse?” Nicky: (with contempt) “No, my DOG.” If there’s a better metaphor for fashion than that we’re yet to hear it
iPHONE 4
The white one with the bigger gee bees and the why fies is an absolute fashion statement. And like most fashion statements, it says – fuck all
