Some days you find yourself looking around at the world wondering whether it’s you or it that’s gone insane. This state of utter confusion and disarray can be commonly described in modern terms as WTF, and because we’re pretty sure it’s the world and not us that’s fucked up, we’ve decided to dedicate this month’s Blacklist to the affliction. So here it is.
PETROBRAS EAST COAST OIL EXPLORATION LICENSE
When we first read about this, and that it had actually been approved by the Government and wasn’t just another one of Gerry Brownlee’s maniacal ideas, we could not fucking believe our eyes. Against a backdrop of the worst oil spill disaster in world history, still currently unfolding in the Gulf of Mexico, the National Government has granted a license to Petrobras, a Brazilian oil exploration company with annual revenues of US$118 billion, to search for oil and gas off the East Cape of the North Island. Petrobras has the worst safety record in the industry – more than 50 people have died on its rigs since 1984 and it’s been responsible for at least six major oil spills around Brazil. This is a decision that just defies belief and makes us say WHAT THE FUCK. Make no mistake John and Gerry – when it all goes wrong it’s your heads we’ll be clamoring for
http://crooksandliars.com/nonny-mouse/it-s-d-j-vu-all-over-again
SEMEN BASED COOKERY
Just reading the title says it all really, doesn’t it? WTF!
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/natural-harvest—a-collection-of-semen-based-recipes/5198959
SMELLY TAXIS
Lately we’ve had a few meetings that have necessitated availing ourselves of public transport and we have been, frankly, disappointed. There have been two instances in particular where the drivers’ lack of hygiene has made the experience akin to driving around in a three day old coffin with a slowly putrefying corpse at the wheel. The failure of the windows to function left us in a state of dry retch by the time we arrived at our destination, and in no fit state to present our brilliant ideas. We know that taxi drivers don’t make the best money and work pretty long hours, but there is no excuse for this olfactory purgatory. WTF taxi drivers? Take a shower, brush your teeth and buy a car with operational windows
THE 6.00 NEWS
The saying used to go, “the country gets the Government it deserves.” These days, we think the country gets the media it deserves. And if that’s the standard by which we’re judging New Zealand, then we’re pretty much well and truly fucked, because the quality of our prime time news is so woefully abysmal that it’s become a kind of torture to watch it. Indeed, it was rumoured that episodes of Campbell Live were being used to elicit the truth from detainees in Guantanamo Bay. Incessant pandering to the lowest common denominator, patronising us with story selection and delivery, endless hyperbole, and a complete absence of real information or insight into any issue all combine to leave us wondering just when exactly the news got hijacked into this self obsessed offal tray we’re currently witnessing
COUNTRY HIP HOP DANCING
Just unspeakably silly – this is a genre mix that should never have happened. Why it did is beyond us
OTHER PEOPLE’S DRAMA
“He said that you were sleeping with her but she’s got a boyfriend and that her boyfriend’s cousin’s sister’s dog saw you talking to her in that bar the other day. You know the bar, the one with the bouncer who’s gay and has aids and is still married to his mother but spends most of his time in the boy scout club down the road. Oh my GOD but my girlfriend Shenene is seeing this new guy and he hit her and she had to call the police but there were no bruises and so they couldn’t arrest him but later she said it was actually someone else because he was out of the country at the time working as a mercenary or a gigolo or something but he’s still a dick so I think we should sit here for a while and slag him off him anyway”
WILLY WILLY BUM BUM
Humour for ten year olds but easily random enough to be good and WTF
WORLD CUP DIVERS
Whether you like New Zealand’s rugby culture or not, there is certainly something to be admired in sports people who are prepared to suck up a little bit of pain and not fall all over the show like people who have been up pilling and drinking all night. Watching the world cup Hollywood tryouts has left us less than impressed. Meanwhile back home Kevin Locke of the Warriors scores in the last minute to save the game for his team, smashes himself into the posts in the process and still claps the crowd as he’s stretchered off. WTF soccer, sort out this absurdly effeminate pantomime if you want us to take you seriously
CHUCK WA YAU
C’mon Chuck. WTF?
MANCYCLE
You will never, ever in your life find ANYTHING more WTF than this. It is the supreme winner – and by some margin. Prepare to be utterly amazed. Made by Chuck.