THE DECEMBER BLACKLIST
BRUCE SHEPPARD
Topping the Blacklist in the month where consumerism is venerated as a morbidly obese, red cloaked and white bearded God is Bruce Shepherd, head of the New Zealand Shareholders’ Association, national conscience and ardent critic of humanity’s ongoing marriage between greed and stupidity. His celebration of the beating meted out to moral and financial bankrupt Rod Petricevic in an Auckland restaurant is applauded by us, as are his sentiments that similar punishment should be given to the other vultures that “comply with the law but cause others loss while they themselves are enriched.” Here in the Bones we say thank Christ at Christmas time for the ongoing present that is Bruce Shepherd’s writing and social commentary. Wrap it up and put a card on it Bruce – then have yourself a good shot of Havana on us
http://www.nzshareholders.co.nz/
http://www.stuff.co.nz/business/blogs/stirring-the-pot
MOUTH JIF
New from the SKULL AND BONES – the ultimate product for people with busy lifestyles that lead to compromising situations! Mouth Jif is the perfect tonic for those socially and professionally incongruous and uncomfortable moments. Got drunk in the Ponsonby Social Club last night and woken up awkward? Mouth Jif. Recession means you’ve acquired bad credit? Mouth Jif. Found out your best mate is shagging your partner? Failed to meet a deadline? Told the client they’re a dick? Mouth Jif will fix these and every other problem. Now comes in new handy purse size packaging so you can take it anywhere. Like the jingle says: “Hot girls! It’s the Jif in the mouth that gets them!” How much would you expect to pay for something as amazing and powerful as Mouth Jif? Well, you’re right. That’s exactly how much it costs
THE SILVER BULLET
Behold the Sliver Bullet in all its majesty! Faithful servant for more than five years, and with a youthful and spritely 300K on the clock, the Bullet has traversed the highs and lows of every job the Bones has ever done, and quite a few before that as well. Inside it smells worse than a gym bag and the outside probably hasn’t been washed since Lange was Prime Minister. But under the hood beats a 1.2 litre heart, delivering raw power and performance to whomever is lucky enough to take the wheel. All right, we just totally made that bit up. In fact lately the bullet has taken to revving at the lights on its own. This causes confusion if you are next to any boy racers. One time Squid and Z took it out to get food and it revved heatedly at a blond woman crossing in front of them. She was pretty sketched out about it and fair enough too. She’s no Christine but the Bullet’s more laughs than Paul Holmes’ last album
RELAPSE SKATE
What would summer be without getting on the wheels and exhibiting your skateboard follies for an admiring public? Nothing, that’s what. Relapse Skate is a clothing label dedicated to skating and its culture. It belongs to one of our mates and only sells its clothes through Crackbook, making it highly exclusive and only for those in the know, which now happily includes you. Don’t say we never do anything for you. Remember that the majority of skating injuries are caused by old farts who used to skate trying to show the kids of today how it’s done. Sick
http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=rela&init=quick#/pages/Relapse/76329264500?ref=ts
75 NEW SAVE MART
Downstairs from our offices is a cornucopia of Asian delights known as 75 New Save Mart. This shop is awesome, with super friendly staff and about a million products we can’t currently identify. However, some of the products we can identify, such as the 60 flavour noodles and the waffle chocolate ice creams, make the two minute journey down to the basement an almost daily pilgrimage. The balloon sculptures 75 New Save Mart left in the hallway were particularly choice. Unfortunately some people just have no respect, not that we’re naming anyone, Jimmy
CRUNCH KING ICE CREAMS
When we first discovered these ice creams, we couldn’t believe it was possible to pack this much delicious badness into such a small area. Examine the perfectly named item in question, if you will: a layer of chocolate and vanilla ice cream wrapped inside an exterior shell of fine waffle. The mixture of textures in this confectionary stroke of genius has to be eaten to be believed. The waffle simply melts on your tongue, while the crunchiness of the frozen chocolate and light fluffiness of the ice cream make you believe that it contains simply no calories at all. In fact, it probably doesn’t. We suspect it may even BURN calories upon ingestion. Best of all, they cost only $2.30. Tip Top, the Jelly Tip is pretty good, but you have been usurped – there’s a new King in town, and his majesty’s name is Crunch
RAKINOS
There are a handful of bars around that have managed to hold their doors open against the fickle caprices of the market for long enough to have become civic institutions. Rakinos is just such a bar. Among the things we love about Rakinos is that like any good institution, its attitude is egalitarian and its membership is wide and disparate. Unlike the Wrong Room, where you may be denied entry for something as arbitrary and ridiculous as not wearing a collared shirt, Rakinos transcends Auckland’s absurd and contrived cliques and continues to deliver good times for all. The customers are almost universally friendly, the staff tres cool, and the music is frequently without parallel. This bar has a truly urban soul and it remains unafraid of expressing it. It’s been the SKULL AND BONES favourite bar and almost second home since we got here. Yes, our second home is a bar. See you up there for at happy hour for a Pure and Havana chaser
SATAY KAMPONG CURRY LAKSA
If there’s a laksa anywhere else in the country to rival this dish from Wellington’s Satay Kampong then we’re yet to find it, and it isn’t from lack of looking. Fresh, boneless chicken, handmade pork meatballs, prawns, boiled egg and noodles of a perfect consistency, all served in an exquisitely balanced and flavoured coconut and chilli soup… the Kampong’s take on this Malaysian classic is a culinary delight. If you’re in the capital then get yourself one today. It carries the SKULL AND BONES authentic mark of recommendation
GOOGLE GOGGLES
It has to be said, the guys at Google just never cease to amaze. The technologist maxim that BD will be replaced by BG – Before Google – looks set to be a governing paradigm of the century. Check this out, for example. Google Goggles is the new visual searching application from Google, and it works by allowing you to take pictures with your Android phone and then submitting them for search across the Internet. You can identify landmarks, search for books, find out about businesses, add contact details to your phone and more. Eventually you’ll be able to use it for complex search tasks, such as taking a picture of a leaf to find out everything there is to know about the plant that it’s from within seconds. Visual search, just like almost everything else from Google, will probably create impacts we can’t yet imagine. Let’s hope the Internet giant sticks to its mission statement of “First do no evil” or otherwise we’ll end up in a technocracy with these guys at the top
http://www.google.com/mobile/goggles/#landmark
FLOYD’S FRESH INK
When Floyd first thought about joining the Bones, the Boss told him he wouldn’t hire anyone with tattoos because they showed bad character. But that was just a drunken lie because the boss has plenty of ink of his own. Or maybe it was the absolute truth, if you know the Boss. You be the judge. Floyd was also told in his old job that if he wanted to advance up the career ladder it would be “a good idea not to get any new tattoos, and don’t colour in the ones you already have.” Given that Floyd’s job involves sitting at a desk furiously coding Flash, this admonition was about as useful as a cock flavoured lollypop. Also on Floyd’s first day at work here, he showed up with his ink so fresh that the blood was still pooling inside the Gladwrap. But the guy will work 36 hours straight if that’s what it takes, so as far as we’re concerned, a bit of fresh ink may in fact be a motivating factor in getting good work. Think about that, Floyd’s old bosses, because now we got him and you ain’t
