Monthly Archive for January, 2010



It had all the right elements to start with – sex, drugs, and humour – but the chardonnay liberal Care Bears’ over reactive criticism saw Jimmy’s cougar video for Air New Zealand’s grabaseat brand go firstly into the national media and then internationally viral. More than 500,000 You Tube views later, the critics have had to wrestle with the realisation that their response helped to drive viewer numbers more effectively than a cameo from Tiger Woods. It was critical fail in the truest sense of the word, promoting the subject of their derision to new audiences worldwide and leaving them looking like humourless churls in the process. grabaseat will be fully gloating. If you haven’t seen it, then watch it here. And this video response that You Tube refused to approve


This guy is genius funny. You may have seen his work before. If you haven’t, then now you can. And we strongly suggest that you do



If Wellington’s rain clears for more than five minutes and it’s safe to go outside without freezing, then go visit Calico Jack’s in Ghuznee Street. Calico Jack’s is New Zealand’s premier supplier of pirate merchandise and a few other things besides. Regularly stocked items include tee shirts, jewelry and other choice stuff.  Irregularly stocked items include all manner of random surprises that you’ll need to find for yourself. Ask for Dave and tell him the Mighty Fighting SKULL AND BONES sent you and he may give you discount. Then again, he just as easily may not. It is a pirate shop after all

Calico jack


Black Magazine is owned and produced by Grant Fell and Rachel Churchward, Auckland legends who are not unknown to the Bones. Immaculate design, beautiful photo shoots, gorgeous styling, this is a magazine that Yves Saint Laurent would love if he were still alive. Unfortunately he’s not, so that leaves it to our fashion doyens here in the office to recommend it to you instead. As former winners of Fashion in the Field, we are eminently qualified to make that recommendation, and possibly even qualified to one day grace its pages, assuming we can find a budget large enough for liposuction, botox and bribery



Aren’t young children just the most precious delight? They are a constant and saccharine reminder of the previously care free days you enjoyed before you stopped having sex with a condom. Now they can be even more of a delight running around the house, garden or shopping mall wearing these sickeningly adorable creations from Wellington Internet business Gotta Have. Made for parents who like to show off their little mistakes in all their glory, which amazingly seems to be every parent we’ve ever met, the range includes small hats and other random stuff. Vomit-inducing cute and a new website coming soon, apparently

gotta have



So it’s taken you five minutes to get your subjects herded like cats into a crafted pose, and then just as you shoot the picture up pops a couple of entirely unwanted and unasked for faces who just happen to entirely ruin your shot. Welcome to the world of Photo Bombers, the new radicals of the party scene, or indeed any scene that is worth committing to camera. They are the paparazzi in reverse; gatecrashing photographical anarchists who seek to wreak destruction on your every potential cherished memory and to leave your ambitions of an appearance on the society pages of Metro in tatters. Just look at these two candidates and tell us there shouldn’t be a law against them



We rediscovered this institution on a recent visit to Melbourne. The Boss first went here with his old man when he was a kid, and he was delighted to find that nothing had changed 300 years later. And when we say nothing, we mean NOT ONE THING. No need for menus in this place, the available dishes are engraved in brass and screwed to the wall. This is a place that time didn’t forget but instead remembered it exactly as it was. No attempt whatever has been made to modernise this wonderful cafe, to introduce new ideas like fusion cuisine or minimalist furniture or mood lighting, or in any other way fuck with the perfect formula that has kept it open since the 60s. This is a very happy state of affairs for all, and one that many, many cafes, bars and restaurants would do well to follow if they could just be good enough in the first place



Hi Chews are the Japanese lollies we buy downstairs at New Save Mart 75 for $1.50 a packet. These little foil wrapped bite sized pieces of extraordinary chewiness and delightful flavour will allow you to charm recalcitrant and contrary nephews, nieces, godchildren and pets of every persuasion. We recommend you offer them to potential love interests as well, providing you don’t just walk up to people randomly in the street, as no one wants to accept sweets from strangers since 9/11 in case you are a pedo or a terrorist. Hi Chews come in every flavour you can imagine and some you most likely can’t, such as durian, and also lychee. Buy some today



If you showed the kids of today one of these relics they would doubtless view them as a miraculous gift towards their next bump of P, ready-to-mix drink or packet of cigarettes, or what they commonly refer to as “bus fare home” when begging it from you at the bottom of Queen Street. Indeed, set one up around Britomart with $5.00 in the jar and see how long it lasts. You’d lose the money and the jams quicker than you’d get a ticket for parking there, and that’s saying something. For those of us who are ancient enough to remember them, the honesty box is like a metaphor for a better side of human nature. The guy who owns this one on Waiheke Island assured us that “Basically, people actually want to be honest.” The hippies and their eternal optimism still rule the island, apparently

honesty 1honesty 2


We have no idea what the other branches of Budget Car Hire are like, but the city office in Auckland’s Beach Road is awesome. The office is managed by Mr Juan Galvez, who reigns over it like a benevolent dictator. He also runs a tight ship with excellent customer service and computer skills that are frankly astonishing. In the rental car world, graphical user interfaces are something that simply happened to other industries (but not banks, airlines or Government). This means Budget employees need to have total recall on an array of codes, numbers, quick key shortcuts and other digital chicanery to get their system to do what you want. Mr Galvez and his team know just how to do that, and they never seem to forget that it’s what YOU want that’s important. Budget bosses? Give these guys a raise

budget bones

outside budget