MAY BLACKLIST

This month we’ve decided to do something different. Instead of writing about the things that we love, we’re writing about some of the things that we hate. We’ve called it the HATER’S GONNA HATE list. And now, ladies and gentlemen, here it is

 

CORPORATE GREED

“I have had men watching you for a long time and I am convinced that you have used the funds of the bank to speculate in the breadstuffs of the country. When you won, you divided the profits among you, and when you lost, you charged it to the Bank. You are a den of vipers and thieves.” These words were uttered by America’s seventh President, Andrew Jackson, upon his closing the Second Bank of America. While he wasn’t a very nice man, this quote describes perfectly the dominant economic trend of our time: the privitisation of profits, and the socialisation of losses. Corporate greed is now so enshrined in our society that we can witness the most spectacular recessionary collapse of modern times and then a mere year later we can see record bonuses being paid to the same people that caused it. Closer to home we have the investors of Hanover going to the wall, while their tormentor builds a $30 million mansion from which to mock them. In the BONES we believe that corporate greed is really just personal greed backed by institutional power. Enron, Lehman, Goldman Sachs, Hanover, Blue Chip et al. You know who you are. In a better world than this, we’d just take you out and shoot you like the rabid dogs you are

1

 

ANIMAL CRUELTY

If you have the stomach to watch this clip the whole way through, we’re pretty sure you’ll agree the at the protagonists in it really need to die in some very slow and painful way. Crushed to death by a stampeding herd of cows could be good, as long as there was enough time left for a bit of gloating. We’re not really sure what particular form of sociopathy it is that gives people pleasure from causing pain in animals, but whatever it is we’re pretty sure it can be cauterised with castration in most cases

 

ANDY HADEN

Andy Haden was one of the morally sophisticated rugby players that participated in the rebel Cavaliers tour to South Africa in 1986, when the country was still firmly in the grip of constitutional white supremacy.  While the rest of the world was finally taking a good hard look at the ethics of state enshrined racial separatism, Andy and his friends were arguing that politics has no place in sport. It’s one of those shameful incidents in New Zealand history that leaves you cringing at the neanderthal philosophical progression of our nation’s rugby players. In the BONES we’re as un-PC as anyone you’re likely to find, but continuing Haden’s appointment as a rugby ambassador to the World Cup is a national disgrace. Haden, you’re not quite Brian Tamaki or Michael Laws, but you’re not far off. For the record, it’s not OK to call people Coconuts, but we’d pay to see you try it at a pub in South Auckland

3

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/blogs/on-the-house/3759997/Hadens-got-to-go-Murray

 

BRIAN TAMAKI

Preying on the gullibility of the disenfranchised to enrich yourself is hardly a new or even novel activity. But claiming to be motivated by the spiritual benediction of others while systematically fleecing them of their gold – in order to maintain a lavish and tasteless lifestyle – is simply repellant. Tamaki’s veneration of himself and his Jupiter-sized sense of entitlement combine to create a perfect storm of narcissism. The sad truth is, Brian, you’re still a loathsome homophobic evangelical hypocrite with snake oil pouring from every unctuous pore

5


 

SLOW INTERNET

Is there anything more frustrating that slow Internet? New. Zealand. Internet. Sucks

827173954

 

HOLLYWOOD BAKERY

Squid says, “They’re dicks and they’re fucking everywhere. There’s one over there, one over there, and one over there. And they don’t even sell the same food. The one over there’s the best one but it’s still average. The one over there is shitter. The one over there is even more shitter. And what the hell has Hollywood Bakery got to do with anything. Why’s it called Hollywood Bakery? They’re not in Hollywood. It’s not going to make anyone go in there. And if they do they’ll say it’s a shit bakery. It pisses me off because I love having a sammy and pie for lunch.”

2

 

APPLE

Apple, you make some cool things, but you’re turning into the new Microsoft

4

http://www.smh.com.au/technology/technology-news/11th-suicide-at-apple-factory-20100527-wgjo.html


 

LINKIN PARK

Why aren’t you dead already?

6

 

QUEUING

Among the worst things the BONES hates to queue for are supermarket lines, entry into bars or clubs, entry into the country, service at the bank, service at ATMs, service at the Post Office, and access to the public transport. Firstly, if we wanted to wait, we’d wait at home where at least it’s comfortable. Secondly, if we wanted to stand in lines while we were waiting at home where it’s comfortable then we’d stand in lines with our mates, not total strangers who smell bad and dress worse. The only good to have ever come from queuing is a triple word score while having a surfeit of vowels in Scrabble

10

 

HATERS

Haters are so unrelentingly negative. They’re the takers, the grabbers, the fakers, the stabbers. They’re the people who contribute nothing whatsoever, yet only feel happy when they’re mocking the dreams and achievements of others. They’re arseholes! We hate you, you haters

8

CORPORATE GREED
“I have had men watching you for a long time and I am convinced that you have used the funds of the bank to speculate in the breadstuffs of the country. When you won, you divided the profits among you, and when you lost, you charged it to the Bank. You are a den of vipers and thieves.” These words were uttered by America’s seventh President, Andrew Jackson, upon his closing the Second Bank of America. While he wasn’t a very nice man, this quote describes perfectly the dominant economic trend of our time: the privitisation of profits, and the socialisation of losses. Corporate greed is now so enshrined in our society that we can witness the most spectacular recessionary collapse of modern times and then a mere year later we can see record bonuses being paid to the same people that caused it. Closer to home we have the investors of Hanover going to the wall, while their tormentor builds a $30 million mansion from which to mock them. In the BONES we believe that corporate greed is really just personal greed backed by institutional power. Enron, Lehman, Goldman Sachs, Hanover, Blue Chip et al. You know who you are. In a better world than this, we’d just take you out and shoot you like the rabid dogs you are
Image: Hotchin’s Paratai Drive Monstrosi

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